I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
