Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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