Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
