You smell like stripper and shame
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm too high and old for this...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
