Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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