All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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