apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love you. Go after that dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
