Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
