Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I haven't been this sober since birth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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