Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
