I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was born a porn star she said
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
