There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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