I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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