This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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