how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
