Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
