ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
