so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
