you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
worst night to have a conscience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
