people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
