GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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