There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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