I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
