I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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