Quick, to the slutcave!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
