sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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