Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
