She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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