haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
