Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
