Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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