well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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