I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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