My nipple is on Facebook.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
