Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
