do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
