the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
