did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
