Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
