finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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