I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
