My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
