eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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