I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like eating out sand paper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
