some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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