You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
birth control should be required to get into college
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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