If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
