hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
