Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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