I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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