If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How external is "for external use only"?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
