At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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