Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
