omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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