What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
