Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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